Author Topic: Tickle Our Funny Bones (Read 179686 times)

ZWarrior · « **Reply #150 on:** December 17, 2003, 05:55:57 PM »

No comment...

opiesilver · « **Reply #151 on:** December 19, 2003, 03:42:35 AM »

Feeling it was time for a shakeup, the company hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers and make a name for himself. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them all know that he means business.

Everyone watches as the CEO walks up to the guy and asks loudly, "And how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "He's the delivery guy from Domino's."

Fraggster · « **Reply #152 on:** December 19, 2003, 04:04:59 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by opiesilver
Feeling it was time for a shakeup, the company hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers and make a name for himself. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them all know that he means business.

Everyone watches as the CEO walks up to the guy and asks loudly, "And how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "He's the delivery guy from Domino's."

lmao, sounds like the state:rolling

ZWarrior · « **Reply #153 on:** December 20, 2003, 10:12:14 AM »

The State of Confusion!

ZWarrior · « **Reply #154 on:** February 02, 2004, 09:00:35 AM »

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak my mind. I lost my job this past year. When Clinton was president I was secure and prosperous, but in the last year, we had to close our operations. We simply could not compete with foreign labor. This foreign labor worked for low pay under very bad conditions.

They worked very long shifts, and many even died on the job.

This competition could hardly be called "fair." I was forced out of the place where I had worked for 34 years.

Not a single government program was there to help me.

How can Bush call himself "compassionate"?

Far worse, I lost two of my sons in Bush's evil war in Iraq. They gave their lives for their country, and for what? So that Bush's oil buddies can get rich. My pain of losing my sons is indescribable.

While it is trivial next to the loss of my sons, I regret to say that I also lost my home. I simply have nothing left. How can Bush call himself a Christian when he neglects people like me? I am a senior citizen with various medical problems. I'm not in a position where I can begin a new career. I was reduced to the point where I had to live in a hole in a ground, all because of President Bush.

And when the authorities found me there, did they have any compassion for my misfortune and ailments? No, I was arrested. Mr. Bush, I dare you to look me in the face and tell me you are a compassionate man! I dare you to look me in the face and tell me you are a Christian. If I had any money left, I would donate it to the Democrat Party.

If Al Gore had been elected in 2000 I would still have a job, a home, and most importantly, my dear sons!

Regards,

Saddam Hussein

ZWarrior · « **Reply #155 on:** May 19, 2004, 01:33:17 PM »

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi, you very dumb. Someone has stolen tent".

Zeet · « **Reply #156 on:** May 19, 2004, 01:55:12 PM »

Hey if everyone in the country drove Pink automobiles what would you call that country??? 8/

ZWarrior · « **Reply #157 on:** May 19, 2004, 03:26:01 PM »

Mary(Kay)-land?

Zeet · « **Reply #158 on:** May 19, 2004, 10:31:56 PM »

It's a PINK Car-Nation!!!
:lol:lol:lol:lol:)

:cry::cry::cry:

snauzberries · « **Reply #159 on:** May 19, 2004, 11:35:08 PM »

pink lemonades home

ZWarrior · « **Reply #160 on:** May 20, 2004, 08:53:24 AM »

1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.

They weren't working.... They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people
couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

3. How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

4. How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.

5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?

6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder
company.

7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save
only one of them, would you

(A) Go to lunch, or (B) read the newspaper?

8. What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue.

9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.

10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

'Senator.'

11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

'Your Honor.'

12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.

13. What does a lawyer use for birth control?

His personality.

14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

Don't know. (There are some things a pig just won't do.)

15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

Removable wing tips.

17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?

New Jersey got first choice.

18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked
politician?

Chelsea Clinton

[Edited on 5-20-2004 by ZWarrior]

JollyRoger · « **Reply #161 on:** May 20, 2004, 02:55:15 PM »

That Reminds my I gatta call my Law firm;
Dewy, Cheetem, anhow

snauzberries · « **Reply #162 on:** May 20, 2004, 08:47:32 PM »

ooo oo i got one:
how do you now if it is cold out?
if the lawer has his hand in is own pocket

ZWarrior · « **Reply #163 on:** May 21, 2004, 04:05:37 PM »

I do not have any recollection of that date.

snauzberries · « **Reply #164 on:** May 21, 2004, 10:07:10 PM »

AHHHHHHH!

JollyRoger · « **Reply #165 on:** May 28, 2004, 12:38:21 PM »

ZWarrior · « **Reply #166 on:** May 28, 2004, 11:14:12 PM »

It's Tux Dodgers in the 32-bit system!

opiesilver · « **Reply #167 on:** May 29, 2004, 01:19:11 AM »

Puffer

JollyRoger · « **Reply #168 on:** May 29, 2004, 12:40:47 PM »

Let me guess You own some?

ZWarrior · « **Reply #169 on:** June 02, 2004, 04:17:13 PM »

Nope, HE IS ONE!!! :lol

ZWarrior · « **Reply #170 on:** June 02, 2004, 04:30:54 PM »

Not sure if this posted before or not:

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.64."

The boss says, "$101,237.64?! "What the heck did you sell?!"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing".

(A!)Rico · « **Reply #171 on:** June 06, 2004, 07:46:28 PM »

Plan out your lies!

At the University, there were four sophomores taking Chemistry and all of them had an A so far.
These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party
They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to campus until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final, they would explain to their professor why they missed it.
They said that they visited friends but on the way back, had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.
The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved.
They studied that night for the exam.
He placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet.
They quickly answered the first problem, worth five points.
Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, they thought this is going to be easy.
Then turned the page.

On the second page was written:

For 95 points: Which tire?

ZWarrior · « **Reply #172 on:** June 06, 2004, 10:34:16 PM »

Ewwww, That's just WRONG!

JollyRoger · « **Reply #173 on:** June 07, 2004, 05:12:07 PM »

Ouch!:cry:

ZWarrior · « **Reply #174 on:** June 09, 2004, 12:14:54 AM »

What If Dr. Seuss was a Technical Writer? Here's an easy game to play.

Here's an easy thing to say:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?

What a shame sir!

We'll find you another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

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Author Topic: Tickle Our Funny Bones (Read 179686 times)