Author Topic: Tickle Our Funny Bones (Read 176021 times)

ZWarrior · « **Reply #325 on:** March 18, 2005, 08:51:46 AM »

A farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. He is asked what he is going to do with all the money.

"Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills," he replies.

"And what about the rest?" the reporter asks.

The farmer shrugs.

"Well, I guess they'll just have to wait."

ZWarrior · « **Reply #326 on:** March 21, 2005, 09:57:46 AM »

There was this truck driver who had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down.

After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours, he waved another truck down and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day the first truck driver arrives in town and sees the second truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him.

The first truck driver jumped out of his truck and said, "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"

The second truck driver replied, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie."

opiesilver · « **Reply #327 on:** March 22, 2005, 03:54:14 AM »

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As a Kansas State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Kansas State Police Ball." "He replied, "Kansas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence
while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

snauzberries · « **Reply #328 on:** March 22, 2005, 01:26:52 PM »

:cry: I love the truth

ZWarrior · « **Reply #329 on:** March 23, 2005, 11:34:35 AM »

Once there were two chocolate bunnies. One had its ear bit off.

The whole bunny said to the maimed bunny, "Happy Easter!"

The earless bunny replied, "Huh?"

JollyRoger · « **Reply #330 on:** March 23, 2005, 12:52:49 PM »

:rolleyes:

:sleep::x

ZWarrior · « **Reply #331 on:** March 23, 2005, 01:21:35 PM »

What? Couldn't hear you.

Mr_Anderson · « **Reply #332 on:** March 23, 2005, 10:13:42 PM »

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson Computer?

It has two bytes and no memory.

:lol

snauzberries · « **Reply #333 on:** March 24, 2005, 12:19:33 AM »

opiesilver · « **Reply #334 on:** March 24, 2005, 10:08:18 AM »

Backups

[Edited on 3-24-2005 by opiesilver]

ZWarrior · « **Reply #335 on:** March 24, 2005, 11:08:53 AM »

One day God was looking down to earth and saw all of the evil that was going on.

He decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out. The angel soon returned and reported, "Yes it is bad on earth. 95% of the population is wicked, while 5% is good."

God decided to send another angel for verification. When the second angel returned, he provided the following report: "The earth is truly in decline. 95% of the population is wicked, and only 5% is good."

God knew this was not good. He decided to send a letter to the 5% that were good to encourage them, and provide them with something to help them keep going. Do you know what that letter said?

Oh, you didn't get one either?

Mr_Anderson · « **Reply #336 on:** March 24, 2005, 12:00:25 PM »

Hey, you know...

I was wondering about that letter I got.

JollyRoger · « **Reply #337 on:** March 24, 2005, 12:31:05 PM »

Mr_Anderson · « **Reply #338 on:** March 24, 2005, 03:31:10 PM »

:cool

ZWarrior · « **Reply #339 on:** March 25, 2005, 03:26:50 PM »

The list below explains some logical, and perhaps many illogical reasons given for celebrating Easter.

You look really, really good in yellow.

You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.

You figure any holiday that starts with a "Good Friday"
can't be all bad.

You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.

It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.

You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.

Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."

Mr_Anderson · « **Reply #340 on:** March 25, 2005, 04:25:27 PM »

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed away, so the priest was looking for someone new to ring the bell. Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door. The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms. The priest asks him, "How can you ring the bell?" The man said, "Let me show you." They went up to the bell and the man started hitting the bell with his head. The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, then he goes flying through the window. Two more priests come running and ask, "What happened? Who was that?" The second man said, "I don't know but that face sure rings a bell."

JollyRoger · « **Reply #341 on:** March 25, 2005, 06:27:32 PM »

I love the reruns in this forum sometimes

Mr_Anderson · « **Reply #342 on:** March 25, 2005, 06:28:41 PM »

What? Did somebody already post that?

ZWarrior · « **Reply #343 on:** March 26, 2005, 12:22:22 PM »

Have you ever heard why the Easter Bunny is so focused upon eggs? Here's a possible list of reasons why...

Supplying them is a big tax write-off.

Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?

Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled.

It gets a good deal from the local chickens.

Maybe it has a secret plan to eliminate the human race by cholesterol overdose.

Too much pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.

If it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.

Would you want to hunt for waffles?

Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.

Mr_Anderson · « **Reply #344 on:** March 26, 2005, 04:21:43 PM »

ZWarrior · « **Reply #345 on:** March 29, 2005, 10:57:21 AM »

After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, Seth called the airline to go over her special needs.

The representative listened patiently as he requested a wheelchair and an attendant for his grandmother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness.

His apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured him that everything would be taken care of. Seth thanked her profusely.

"Oh, you're welcome," she replied.

He was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked...

"Will your grandmother need a rental car also?"

Mr_Anderson · « **Reply #346 on:** March 29, 2005, 05:15:06 PM »

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Wolverine of Ambush! · « **Reply #347 on:** March 29, 2005, 05:43:05 PM »

good one!:sword:

Mr_Anderson · « **Reply #348 on:** March 29, 2005, 06:13:46 PM »

ZWarrior · « **Reply #349 on:** March 30, 2005, 02:19:10 PM »

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't do it.

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is person cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

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Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down

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Author Topic: Tickle Our Funny Bones (Read 176021 times)